how the pandemic has affected me

i contracted covid during the Delta surge. it developed into An Ordeal that impaired my cognition and physical ability for 8+ months. at the 3~4 month mark, my doctor was no longer willing to support my state short-term disability claim, even partially. she claimed that the remaining issues weren’t a large impediment to my daily functioning and that mostly they were primarily psychological in nature, which was out of her scope of expertise.

i tried to get my psychiatrist to support the claim, but their practice has a strict policy on this which i didn’t meet the criteria for justifying. that being only patients enrolled in outpatient treatment programs that absorb 4+ hours of their day would justify the financial assistance. i didn’t met the criteria for such a program, and they weren’t successful in petitioning their director to make an exception.

this made no sense to me as, at that point, covid was known to make depression much worse. regardless, i ended up quitting my job because i didn’t feel able to fulfil my obligations. i knew that, eventually, i’d have been fired for this. this was in part a long time coming, having been underpaid for years, and underappreciated for at least one of those. i’d burned out at least once before this, and recognized that it was happening again.

how i’m getting by

i’ve been living off my savings for the last 6+ months. i’m not desperate for money. my savings will carry me for many months yet.

doing this comes with downsides. i don’t have medical insurance due to not meeting the income requirements for public subsidy, and because after running the numbers, having invested into a private plan would have been more expensive than reducing the number of doctors i see and paying out of pocket.

alas, now that i’ve been unemployed for so long, and this pandemic stretches on, (it’s not over for me, being in several high risk groups!) i’d like to be able to see some specialists. unfortunately, i won’t qualify for public subsidy of insurance until 2023 open enrollment.

i can’t afford seeing these providers on a recurring basis right now. i can deal without, and have been doing fairly well relying on skills learned from seeing them in the past. it’d be nice if i i had access to a cognitive and physical therapist though. they offer clear direction and serve as motivational incentives that i find to be extremely helpful.

if you haven’t guessed, i’m chronically ill. when i had a job, i opted for the best insurance because i always met the deductible, and needed the best coverages to minimize my out-of-pocket medical costs. i was seeing 6 different doctors regularly, all in distinct specialties. i saw 2 more on demand for consultation and surgery. i planned to see yet another, requiring a plane flight to where the foremost experts in one of my conditions operated.

most of this is on hold. i’ve dropped down to seeing 2 doctors regularly- my endocrinologist, and psychiatrist. this is required either due to their office policy, or by law, to attain prescription renewals and labwork. sometimes i see my therapist, dermatologist and primary physician, as needed. sometimes i order my own bloodwork to keep tabs on my hormones or organ function, opting not to go through a doctor for interpretation.

part of my limitations due to these health issues is to my executive function- that is, i have difficulty doing the things i want and need to do. i have major depression, and generalized anxiety, both made persistently worse from long covid. i also struggle significantly with adhd and insomnia. the former makes it difficult for me to do things i’m not interested in, like cooking. the latter periodically destroys my mood and cognitive ability.

not only am i presently unable to further diagnoses and treatment of some of these syndromes due to financial constraints, but i also struggle to reduce some costs that most people would see as unnecessary given my circumstances. in the list of expenditures below, you’ll note i spend an obscene amount of money on food. this is due to my inability to get myself to regularly cook meals, unfortunately.

career and financial goals

i’ve put in a couple dozen job applications recently, since i’m feeling much more whole these last few months but,,, i’m not putting a whole lot of effort into it anymore. i didn’t hear back from my first choice companies, making me think i still don’t have the skills needed.

instead, i’ve been working on a personal technology project to help grow those skills that they’re looking for. this also serves another purpose in that, if i’m successful, i ought to be able to monetize the thing with premium features and a subscription model. i have one other person working alongside me, and am trying to build the team out further to make it happen as quickly as possible.

hopefully before my savings are close to the danger zone of depletion, i have something to show for this - either getting an offer to work for someplace i actually want to, or i can consider myself self-employed to a livable degree while i continue to build skills to make me more attractive to preferred employers.

of course, i won’t let me savings be exhausted completely. i have the skills to be employable, as evidenced by the 10 year career behind me. if it comes to it, i would absolutely bite the bullet and accept an offer from a place that isn’t ideal, if only to save enough to do this all over again in a year or two.

why i started doing sex work

lewd and kinky stuff has been one of my special interests for many years. i run a semi-private discord community dedicated to friends exploring themselves in a healthy, comfortable and educational setting. i was a part of my local kink scene for 2+ years before that, attending all the workshops, lectures, and discussions. i consider myself formally trained in kink as a result, and have been told that i’ve been an invaluable teacher by many.

i started doing this sex work stuff as an extension of that. i would give video demonstrations of kinks that people on my server were confused about. i enjoy pleasing people, and post content i know they’ll enjoy, both found and of myself, by request. eventually, people wanted to pay me for it when they realised i’d be interested in that.

i don’t want this to turn into something i don’t enjoy. for that reason, and because i am a highly paid engineer, my rates have been set high. if you’d like to support me, and watch me have genuine fun showing you a bit of my life, i’d be appreciative of it! it’ll help me offset my living expenses while i continue my recovery and work toward supporting myself with a life that is comfortable and satisfying. 🖤

monthly expenditures

• rent: ~$1,750

• rental insurance: $19

• power utility: $100 ~ 200

• home internet: $100

• mobile phone: $16

• household essentials: $136

• medical upkeep: $275 (doctors & meds)

• dentistry services: ~$14

• food: $800 (yes, i’m aware)

• professional cloud services: $68

• auto insurance: ~$85

• auto maintenance: ~$11

• auto fuel: ~$36

• amazon prime: $10

• spotify premium: $9

• sex worker support: $20

total: $3449 ~ 3,549 /mo

prospective expenses

health

• cognitive therapy: $325 ~ 650 ($150/session, biweekly to weekly)

• physical therapy: $325 ~ 650 ($75-150/session, biweekly)

• probiotics: $39 (psychiatrist recommended)

• fish oil: $22 (positive mental health benefits)

total: $711 ~ 1,360 /mo

sex work

• RBG ring light: $24

• a new anal training dildo: $188 ~ 216

• panties: $30 ~ 60

• aesthetic clothing: $150 ~ 300

• high-end kigurumi mask: $498

• hair wig: $43

• black-out contact lenses: $49

total: $982 ~ 1,1190

My preferred method overall for receiving tips and payments for services is cryptocurrency. For vanilla and non-obscene kink content, you can of course use any of the creator platforms I’m on. However, they take a cut, and so you’d have my gratitude if you were to tip in other ways, if it isn’t too much of an inconvenience. For obscene 1:1 video sessions, this is the only way to pay me. For obscene custom video, we can use ELM’s fiat escrow system, if you prefer.

Monero (XMR) is my top choice. It’s designed with full anonymity in mind. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult to obtain, as major exchanges don’t want anything to do with it. Second in line and widely available are Bitcoin and USDC. Some international exchanges that offer those and others from the list below include Coinbase, FTX, Gemini, Kraken, KuCoin, etc.

Fiat

CashApp

Available only for US residents, and those traveling abroad when making use of a US-homed VPN. You must link a bank account or bank-backed debit card to fund your account. Allows USD and Bitcoin transfers.

$dolltyped

Gift Cards

I may accept pre-paid, reloadable gift card codes and digital credits with retailers I use. Ask me during negotiations early on if this is the only method you’re willing to pay with.

Examples include,

• Digital Amazon gift card codes

• Pseudonymous, pre-paid VISA card reload codes ala GreenDot

Restrictions

The following methods aren’t accepted,

• Paper or digital checks (fraud risk)

• Wire transfers (privacy exposure)

• Money orders (slow, requires mailing)

• Western Union (privacy exposure)

Cryptocurrency

Monero (XMR)

86n8QmZJMj43PUahs6QeRx6XzNuymWKV9izx5JKBm2PYDjbP6AZLMTF7phy1ceSreNgtDi8L8nFz793cZp4WF8vCRevawSi

₿itcoin (BTC)

bc1q3hz865wdf27w033yej62nszpnrat8gh9ztmdf7

USD Coin (USDC)

0x0Bcb9145F83608C1054Cc71aFC0fC91f27E2feD5

(Send via ETH network; ERC-20 address)

Etherium (ETH)

0x0Bcb9145F83608C1054Cc71aFC0fC91f27E2feD5

Tether (USDT)

0x0Bcb9145F83608C1054Cc71aFC0fC91f27E2feD5

(Send via ETH network; ERC-20 address)

឵឵Litecoin (LTC)

LYqjk3397BcRHRgyiJPp1B9dmDEcvHL5TC

Solana (SOL)

4NefedJZ1EgPxMyaCym4VRTxTUgnohMsnWsyDPbbSYvn

Stellar (XLM)

GDOHL7C3UG73BGLC7U44KPENVF2AI6DMCPYXJEPT4DTVDWSMQQRSGYJK

Chainlink (LINK)

0x0Bcb9145F83608C1054Cc71aFC0fC91f27E2feD5

Algorand (ALGO)

XF6INNDWZ3XWWH5M6K7LC45D2I77HIRQC7JMTN7DBAIVQO6TIQTGTGGM3I

Amp (AMP)

0x0Bcb9145F83608C1054Cc71aFC0fC91f27E2feD5

(Send via ETH network; ERC-20 address)឵឵

Dash (DASH)

XwVjQP3go4j8VpXCUeBv4iMZikwp8tESW8

toys

accessories

• adjustable silicone cock lasso

• lubricants; silicone, oil and water-based

vibrators

• variously sized plastic bullets

• hitachi magic wand, corded

• vibratex magic wand, wireless

small to medium insertables

• many thick sharpies, ~0.6” Ø

• tantus curve dildo, 1.5" Ø

• glass nubbed dildo, 1.5” Ø

• glass butt plug, 1.6” Ø

large insertables

• strung rubber balls, 1.75” Ø

• tantus general dildo, 2.0” Ø

• tall glass candle, 2.25” Ø

• bad dragon xar, 1.7 ~ 2.6” Ø

xl insertables

• hpentourage forgemaster, 2 ~ 3” Ø

• organotoy abradrachabra, 2.55 ~ 3.5” Ø

my own hand

• two fingers, 1.5” Ø

• three fingers, 2.15” Ø

• four fingers, 2.5” Ø

• duck posture, 2.7” Ø

• closed fist, 3.1” Ø

penetratables

• tight semi-opaque sleeve (for overstim i guess)

• clear full-length sleeve

• clear half-length wand attachment sleeve

implements

sensation

• large scarf (blindfold)

• no gags, but you could buy me tape!

• large, thick rubber bands

impact

• leather belt

• bamboo cane

• hardwood ruler-style paddle

• faux leather paddle

• dragon’s tongue whip

• devil’s tail whip

nipple play

• wooden clothespins

• small plastic clothespins

• acrylic and wooden thai clamps

• clover/butterfly clamps

cbt

• my own hand

• flexible silicone spatula/paddle

• scratchy, varied thickness ribbons

abrasion, slicing & puncture

• my own fingernails

• stainless steel fingerclaws

• point-sharpened kunais

• needle play kit

roles & thematics

• trauma doll aesthetics

• innocence and corruption

• limit testing

• primal predator/prey

• brattiness/taming

• affectionate cruelty

• concubi e.g. succubi

• rapist/victim

• gender invalidation

kinks

faves (enthusiastic about)

• blindfolds

• forcefulness

  • forced entry (requires drugs)

  • held/pinned to walls

  • pulled round by the hair

  • sudden advances

  • molestation/groping

  • rough sex

• large and/or knotted dildos

• stingy impact play

  • scratching/abrasion

  • belts

• blood choking

• hair pulling

• humiliation

  • being made to feel inadequate

  • spitting on my face

• degradation

  • being called worthless

  • feet pressing/grinding my face into the ground

• threats up to and including murder

• submissive acts e.g. thanking you for pain

liked (not always, but recurringly enjoyed)

• anal stretching/training

• handballing aka fisting

• painful anal

• light face slapping

• genital pain

  • ball squeezing

  • cock squishing

  • slapping perineum or balls

• stingy impact play

  • whips

  • knives

• thuddy impact play

  • paddles

  • kicking

• nipple play

  • clamps

  • fingers pinching and twisting

• needle play

• hyper cocks and holes

limits

these are hard limits. we can talk about them, and i encourage you to do so if you’d like to play with me as a submissive. it’s important for you to understand the nuance involved in these, especially if you’re interested in humiliation/degradation, or if we even end up meeting up IRL

• restrictions due to underlying conditions

  • TMJ syndrome (jaw joint disorder)

    • Hard face slapping

    • Ball or bit gags (cloth or tape is probably OK)

  • Herniated disc in neck

    • extended backward-curving neck postures

    • holding arms behind the back for an extended period

• risk of physical trauma requiring significant recovery or medical intervention

• mocking me i.e. repeating my words exactly; this will at least make me not like you

• high protocol

• total power exchange

• invasion of privacy, digital or otherwise

• scat, messing

• vore

Specialization & Motivation

I’m super enthusiastic about kink! Being primarily a sadomasochist, pain is my forte, inclusive of edge play. I enjoy infusing even my masturbation focused content with it; think huge toys, choking, scratching, slapping, genital squishing & torture, etc.

I’m open to creating vanilla content, and catering to kinks and fetishes that I’m not super into, but doing so is less personally incentivizing. I am not a performer and the idea of trying to force unnatural interest out of myself is antithetical to my goals. Put another way, you can ask me to do those things but it’ll probably be less enjoyable for you.

If you’re into me, but are concerned that we aren’t sexually compatible, know that you’re much more likely to get good results by treating me like a person. I enjoy talking to people who are interested in me for me, and having thoughtful conversation. If you can captivate me, and I like you back, this can net you discounts or free content.

Offerings

These are the things I’m willing to do for you, should you desire it~

• À la carte, PPC video on content platforms

• On demand custom photos

• Custom videos

  • Additional fees may apply depending on the scope

  • For kink, see play interests and limits for limitations

• Focused attention aka 1:1 sessions

  • Sexting

  • Custom scenario voice or video calls

• Sugar baby/companionship relationships

  • Contingent on reasonable expectations

  • Includes limited chat, voice and video calls up to 1.5hrs/day, 5d/wk

  • Requires a trial period to assess personality fit

• Content/service packages

  • Mix and match or request recurring productions

  • Limited discounts offered

• Something missing? Ask me!

The following is a non-exhaustive list of things I’m not willing to do:

• Public shows/sessions e.g. on cam sites

• Mailing of pysical goods e.g. underwear or bodily fluids

• Use sketchy, insecure platforms such as Kik. See Socials, instead

Pricing

Payment methods

The payments page lays out the methods accepted for various categories of content. Depending on where you live, and what means are available to you, there may be constraints. I do not accept all popular payment methods due to privacy considerations and legal risk.

Rates & flexibility

While I may have posted prices for various services elsewhere, you ought to take them as suggestions. I’m new to this, and while I’m informed by friends and other resources, I’d also like to be flexible, within reason.

Feel free to negotiate with me, but again, be reasonable! This is not an invitation to low-ball me or quibble over what others sell for. Tell me how you can to the price you did. I’ll listen and give you a measured response in kind.

That said, I know what my time is worth, how long it takes me to produce content up to my standards, and where the limits of my abilities and desires lie. There are some things I may not be willing to flex on. In this case, your best bet is to define the deliverable’s requirements in detail to reduce my time investment.

Specific fees

For anal play, there is an added fee of $50 per day (not per production, if you’re ordering packages.) This fee is added as it takes time and spoons to produce content like this; I have to prepare myself, and usually, extensive video editing is required to censor and place cuts.

For custom, kinky video and sessions that involve damage to my body, there may be an added flat fee of $100 for the burden of healing. Circumstances that would lead to this include impact leading to extensive bruising, abrasion or cutting leading to scabbing and scarring, etc. I’ll tell you if your request is likely to incur this fee beforehand; it will never be sprung on you after the fact.

All content I produce is, by default, non-exclusive to any given person or platform. This means that if you were to buy a custom video from me, you would first receive it, and then after one week, I would post it on my platforms for others to buy and my subscriber base to access. If you do not wish me to do this, there’s a flat fee of $100.

Timelines & Scheduling

I cannot guarantee prompt timeliness due to having other life obligations, interests, and work responsibilities. If you come to me as a buyer, the best way to get me to perform and turn around the content you desire is to request something that we are aligned on.

On Demand Photos

• Within 16 hours of commitment for aligned requests

• Up to 48 hours for less interesting or more complicated requests

• If quality isn’t prioritized, rush service may be arranged for free, time permitting

Custom Videos

• Up to one week for aligned requests

• Up to one month for less interesting requests

• Expedited service is available for a fee to be determined by on the nature of the request

Focused Attention

• Requests made at least 24 hours in advance will be considered for those who I am already introduced to

• Your best chance of getting me to see a message notification is by Discord or OnlyFans

• Acceptance of a proposed scheduling request is obviously subject to my availability, interest in the request, and ambient or directed horniness

Production

Censoring. I do not show my face in any paid or free content produced. Expect my content to periodically have mosaic censoring, and/or be cropped bellow the typical resolution.

Video editing. I use free and open source software to edit the content I release. These packages are limited, as are my skills, but you may expect basic cuts. I do have some interest in furthering these skills, and try to improve with each work I put out.

Equipment

• Tripods

• Multiple high-end smartphones

• Remote shutter

• High-intensity light fixtures

• High-end webcam

• High end headset w/ directional microphone

• Low-end studio directional / stand microphone

• Extremely high-speed, stable internet

Quality

• 4K 29.97 FPS video, possible containing letterboxing

• 1080p 60 FPS steaming

• Clear voice, provided optimal network conditions